Standing In The River

On my hard days,

 I often remember standing in this river. I know I’ve written this same line before for many different reasons, but this moment is a moment that I will never forget and that I often reflect back on. I felt a lot of release and gratitude in my body in that moment. I never felt so free and present within’ myself other than in my yoga practice and there I was, 

arms wide open 

shirtless, 

taking in the sensations of the fresh air upon my skin.

The softness and comforting feel of the beautiful fabric draped over me.

the water as it swayed over my feet. 

my breath as it flowed through my body. 

I had just became a mom 5 months before, and I knew I wasn’t going to be the same woman in a lot of ways. I also knew in the back of my mind when I became a mom I was naturally going to probably be harder on myself as a human being, with the thought of “to be all I could be” for my kids, myself and family. 

but I had my perspective wrong, that there was a perfect representation of what that would look like. I have really had to remind myself to instead actually give myself more grace, more rest, and more love to really be all I can be, all I wanted to be. 

 We are given enough hardships in life and we shouldn’t be one of the reasons for ourselves to bare more. We shouldn’t let the dark inner voice get to us, we shouldn’t let the judgements of others dim our light or try to define us, yet sometimes those things happen, sometimes we let ourselves believe those lies, or become consumed by the pain of them.

but what I often remind myself of too is, they don’t know our stories, we know our stories. They don’t know what I had to go through to be standing in that river on that day after such a long journey and they don’t have the say of significance that I do of my own self. 

So here I am, arms wide open, reminding myself to let it flow, as hard as it may be to feel all the things that come up as we  experience this in our own ways. I have learned so so much and I value myself so much more for what I have learned. 

I must be less hard on myself, I must fill myself with more self-love and care than I ever have. I must remind myself I am worthy of those things and I hope that if you are resonating with any of this, that you do the same for yourself.

Because It’s okay if we thought the healing process was over when it really wasn’t. It’s okay to feel whatever your feeling or if it comes in waves time and time again. Let’s meet it with love, with patience and nurture or however we may have to experience it is - unlike any other time because we are human, and we all have to try and remember that. 

Much love, 

Cayci

The Wildhearted Mama

photo by Megan Marie Photographer